Someday, I’ll be all me again.
Someday, I’ll sit down with grown-up books that captivate and challenge me, instead of reading about finding little monsters or counting apples for the hundredth time. Someday, I’ll dye my hair without hesitation and care for my nails the way I’ve always imagined. Someday, I’ll choose my clothes because they make me feel stylish and confident, not because I have to knot a shirt over a stain or wear a skirt since all my pants are buried at the bottom of the laundry hamper.
Someday, I’ll stop relying so heavily on dry shampoo, because I’ll have the luxury of a shower every night. Someday, I’ll spend hours in my craft room, filling my soul with creativity, making new things just for me. Someday, the number on my pants tag might be smaller. Someday, I’ll drive a car I actually love instead of a van that’s purely practical.
But right now… right now isn’t that someday. Because today, my littles pull me in every direction, all at once.
“Mommy, change my diaper.”
“Mommy, I need a snack.”
“Mommy, my legs hurt!”
“Mommy, he hit me!”
All day long, I give pieces of myself to them. I give them what they need, even when I feel stretched thin.
And still, I know who I am. I still feel whole. I’m just… a little more mommy than anything else right now.
Someday, as my littles grow into bigger kids and then into teens, they’ll start returning the little pieces of me I’ve given away. And when that day comes, accepting those pieces back may be far more bittersweet than giving them ever was.
Someday, I’ll be all me again. But for now, I’m learning that it’s perfectly okay to be mostly mommy.
