I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason, even when that reason isn’t immediately clear. When I first met Steven—better known as Jak—I never could have imagined where life would take us. And if you had told me back then that I would not only be deeply in love with him, but also with our girlfriend Pam, I would have laughed and assumed you’d completely lost your mind. Yet here we are, a few years later, and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
Without this unexpected series of events, hard choices, and life-altering moments that led the three of us to this place—together, and in love—I don’t know how else I would have discovered just how beautifully complex and intentional life can be.
It all began three years ago at a friend’s birthday party. I noticed Jak the moment he walked in because he stood out instantly. These were my friends, and I had never seen him around before. He didn’t seem like he belonged there, yet somehow there was no better place for him to be that night. He was unlike anyone I had ever encountered, and although I didn’t realize it then, he carried exactly the energy my life had been missing.
I was raised with conservative, traditional Christian beliefs. Church twice a week, focused on school, dreaming of marriage and children—that was the plan. I had always considered myself a one-man kind of girl. At 22, fresh out of a five-year relationship, I was only just beginning to find myself and step outside the bubble I had lived in my entire life. Jak shattered that bubble immediately. I was scared of the unfamiliar thoughts and emotions he stirred in me, but at the same time, it was the most exhilarating experience I’d ever known.
Jak wasn’t anything like the man I imagined marrying. He had tattoos and piercings, didn’t believe in marriage, religion, or many of the values I once thought were non-negotiable. Still, something about him felt intentional—like our meeting wasn’t accidental. We spent nearly every day together for the next six months, growing closer in ways I never had before. I shared things with him I had never told anyone. He was always unapologetically honest, believing that truth should be spoken regardless of the outcome. At times, I thought his bluntness was harsh, but as I learned to communicate clearly and listen without letting my emotions take control, I realized his philosophy made more sense than anything I’d been taught before.
This is where things truly began to change. Like many people, I carried curiosities and questions I believed were better left buried—out of fear of judgment, both from others and from myself. For as long as I could remember, I had wondered what it might be like to be with a woman. I had never voiced it aloud, until about a year into my relationship with Jak. It wasn’t a random confession. From the beginning, Jak had been honest about his desire to explore life fully and his unwillingness to limit himself. Eventually, we decided to explore together. We had never even heard the word “polyamory,” but that decision would end up changing our lives forever.
A few months and several new experiences later, I realized something profound. Not only did I enjoy being with women—something I never thought I’d actually act on—but I also recognized how much of life I had been missing by staying inside the box I was born into. If something I feared so deeply turned out to be a source of fulfillment and joy, what else had I been denying myself?
Half-jokingly, Jak suggested we take things a step further and bring another person into our relationship. We laughed at first, but the idea lingered. Together, we were already growing, traveling, building businesses, and pushing each other to be better. What if that growth didn’t have to stop with just the two of us? What if love, like everything else, could be expanded? The idea of adding another aligned soul—another mind, another heart, another set of hands working toward shared goals—was captivating. Still, it was only a theory. We had no idea if something like that could truly work.
Once again, the universe answered in its own time.
Pam entered our lives the same way she lives—quietly, yet leaving a powerful impact. At first, I struggled with how she and Jak met. After Pam posted about having a rough day on Facebook, Jak commented, “Let’s go.” A message followed, and off they went. That wasn’t the issue. Clear communication had always been our foundation. What unsettled me was how quickly they connected. Jak and I took months to grow serious, but with Pam, the bond was instant. When he came home, he spoke about her with such excitement, and I didn’t know how to process the jealousy that followed.
This was one of the hardest lessons of non-monogamy—there are no rules, no templates, no examples to compare yourself to. I questioned everything. Was I justified in feeling this way? Had we crossed a line? Was society right all along? What if he loved her more than me? Anxiety took over. Doubt crept in. My thoughts spiraled.
Then I stopped.
These fears weren’t truly mine—they were remnants of beliefs imposed on me by society, church, family, and culture. I chose my life. I was in love with Jak. I was attracted to women. There was nothing wrong with me. I was strong, confident, and capable of choosing my own path. Fear, jealousy, and insecurity no longer had power over me or my relationships.
It wasn’t easy at first. Learning to step back, separate emotion from indoctrination, and listen to my true feelings took time. But once I did, everything became clearer.
Pam was exactly who Jak said she was—beautiful, hilarious, grounded, and refreshingly real. I understood instantly why he fell for her. She was unapologetically herself, just like him. They lived their truth boldly, unconcerned with society’s expectations, and that courage was magnetic.
Pam identifies as pansexual, meaning she’s attracted to people, not genders. Though new to poly relationships, she was far ahead of me in understanding herself. As we spent more time together, everything clicked naturally. We’re now approaching our one-year anniversary as a triad, and every moment—from laughing uncontrollably in Barcelona, to dinners overlooking the Swiss Alps, skydiving adventures, and quiet nights spent cuddled together—has felt like home.
Of course, not everything has been easy. We’ve lost friends. I was uninvited from a wedding because our relationship “wasn’t appropriate.” We’ve been judged, talked about, and dismissed. Still, we have no regrets. We are happy, fulfilled, and unapologetically ourselves.
For anyone who doesn’t understand or still judges us, we hold no anger. We know it’s different. It took me time too. But love doesn’t need permission to exist. We are here, and we are valid.
The greatest thing we hope you take from this is simple: live your life honestly. Do what makes you happy. This life is yours, and one day it will end. Don’t live with regret. Be true to yourself, follow what lights you up, and give your heart freely—because, just like life itself, love has no rules.
