I came up behind Mel, wrapped my arms around her, and spun her around into one of those dramatic dip kisses. She laughed softly as I lifted her back upright, and that’s when I felt a pair of eyes on us. To our right, our 12-year-old son was frozen in place, mouth agape, staring as if he had just witnessed a minor disaster—or maybe a car accident.
Mel and I have never had a formal conversation about why we choose to be affectionate around our children, so I can’t speak for her. But I can explain why I do it. My parents went through a bitter divorce. I can’t recall ever hearing them say, “I love you.” I can’t remember them going on dates, my father surprising my mother with flowers, or even taking a weekend away together. Mostly, I remember the arguing—and the fear that something as basic as love might feel optional. I vowed I wouldn’t leave my children with that same emptiness.
I want them to grow up expecting healthy affection in a relationship. I tell Mel I love her every single day, and she tells me the same. We hold hands in front of the kids. I take them with me when buying flowers for their mother. I explain why small gestures of love matter, how they nurture and strengthen a bond. More than anything, I am trying to provide the example I never had. I want them to understand that love is a verb, expressed through words and actions. I want them to expect affection from someone they love, and to feel free to show it themselves. I truly believe this may be one of the most important lessons a parent can teach a child about marriage.
Later, when Tristan witnessed Mel and me kiss in the kitchen, we didn’t pause to justify ourselves. We didn’t demand he “get over it” or act like it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, I moved to the right side of the table, Mel approached from the left, and together we cried out in unison, “Hug sandwich!”
We scooped him up between us. He pushed back at first, pretending he wasn’t enjoying being smothered in love by his doting parents. Then, after a brief moment of resistance, he went slack, and slowly wrapped his arms around both of us. In that instant, laughter and warmth filled the room, and I realized that showing love—openly, honestly, fearlessly—is a gift worth giving.
