It may make some people uncomfortable. It may even make you cringe. But I will never stop talking about my children who died. One in eight couples experiences some form of child loss, and chances are you know someone who has lived through it. That’s why comments like this one hurt so deeply—not out of anger, but sadness. Sadness that so many parents still feel they have to tiptoe around their grief, carefully choosing words, worried about who they might offend just by sharing their heartbreak.
I had posted a photo of my surviving triplet, describing what it felt like to hold her for the first time in the NICU—a moment filled with love, fear, and hope. But instead of acknowledging that tender memory, one woman chose to say, “Here we go again. Please feel blessed and happy with the two that you have here with you.” Her words stopped me cold.
I reread the comment several times, trying to make sense of it. Normally, I take the high road when it comes to what I call “internet trolls,” but this time my heart was already aching, and I responded. Because here’s the truth: parents who have experienced devastating loss shouldn’t have to explain ourselves. We shouldn’t have to justify why we speak our children’s names or share their stories. Just because they are no longer alive does not make them any less our children.
When I look at my surviving triplet and our precious new baby, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I truly feel blessed, and I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. But that joy does not erase the grief I’ve carried for more than six years. You never “get over” losing a child. The pain evolves, it softens in places, but there will always be a piece of your heart missing.
I would give anything to be sharing ordinary, beautiful moments with my triplets—the first day of school, Christmas mornings, birthday celebrations. Instead, parents like me live with the ache of imagining what life might have been like. Even as we learn how to move forward and find happiness again, milestones and memories can reopen wounds. It’s something you can’t fully understand unless you’ve experienced the unimaginable loss of a child. It’s a club no parent ever wants to belong to.
What people see on social media is only a small snapshot of life. When grieving parents share sadness, it doesn’t mean our lives revolve around loss. Joy and grief can exist side by side, and both deserve space.
Our society has made progress in making child loss less taboo, but we still have a long way to go. Even though two of my children are not here physically, they will always be part of my life. I am not ashamed to speak about my children who are here on earth and those in Heaven. I will not be silenced—and grieving parents everywhere shouldn’t be silenced either.
